Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
