WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
