i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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