if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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