she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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