FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
