Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize