There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
