I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
