Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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