if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My vagina just recognized that song.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
