i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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