You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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