If i come over, it means nothing
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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