Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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