since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
