Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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