I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
