hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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