so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
