Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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