I'm jealous of your bromance
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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