my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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