I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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