Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize