The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
