so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
