my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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