I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
