Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
