she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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