Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he fucked my hip out of place.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
