Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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