Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
