the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
