i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
