Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
