i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
