My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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