I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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