what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
