I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize