So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
