Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
