I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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