i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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