omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
