Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
