: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
