I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
