i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
