Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
