Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
