Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
