Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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