Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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