It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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