Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
