How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
