I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
