Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
