By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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