If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
