Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
