i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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