No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
