my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
