You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize