Your mouth is God's brothel.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
