It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You're like the curious george of whores
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
