All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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