we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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