i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
