I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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