i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
