youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
