He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
