i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
