i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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