My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
