I need to stop coming to work sober
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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