Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize