eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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